“Stop Using Jesus As An Excuse For Being A Narrow Minded Asshole.” CafePress bumper sticker.

 

Epithalamium for Jesus and George

 

By Joshua B. Good (with a lusty wink at Major Henry Livingston)

 

Dan Rather! stop your heroin shot

Hear the news I got;

Don’t retire. You’ve really got to stay

While I trill the wedding day,

 

Bill O’Reilly, balanced on the eagle’s right wing

Listen to this joyous song I sing –

 

Al Franken, babbling into America’s Air

Hush a moment and pull up a chair –

 

Katie Couric, today a star. Anybody care?

I want to tell you a story, it’s the truth, I swear

 

Peter Jennings kindly cease that loud cough

Finally, I thought I’d never get this poem off –

 

‘Twas a Texas summer when tumbleweeds were blowing

And the Rio Grande so putrid was flowing

The fields rang with a shot – another lawyer winged?

‘Dick, put that gun away! My polls won’t survive being dinged.’

 

When Jesus and George so true and so loving

Along the back forty were seen arm in arm moving

Sweet renditions, phone taps and wars spontaneous

Wherever they wandered sprang up instantaneous.

 

One a butch cowpoke, the other a long-haired Jew

‘George, have you been drinking?’ ‘Only a few!’

The genius president then got a bright idea:

‘Let’s take Air Force One and fly off to Spain

Where men can marry, then we’ll fly home again.’

 

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